You know how some days you’re feeling all nostalgic and want to be a little kid again where your biggest dilemma was deciding which scrunchy to wear to school that day? Well here are some reasons why you don’t miss that.
1. Bedtime. Remember when you had to haggle with your parents to make your bedtime 9:15 instead of 9? Well if you want to stay up and watch six hours of Netflix shows, then dammit you should be able to.
2. Your clothing style relied heavily on what your mom chose for you. Because no one ever needs to wear a purple windbreaker jumpsuit.
3. You had to be driven everywhere…so in junior high when you wanted to go to the movies with boys for the first time, you HAD to tell your parents, and then play 20 questions with them about your plans. Now if you want to test out a rando you met on Tinder, without telling anyone you were on Tinder, you can!
4. Movies had to be the appropriate rating for you to see them. You would see trailers for movies that looked so funny, but then you see the “rated R” stamped on it and your whole world comes crashing down. You curse your parents because ALL your friends have seen it, but they insist they are only trying to protect you.
5. You had to play every sport…because everybody else was. Like how exhausting, right? Now for exercise you can just sit on the elliptical and watch bad reality shows for an hour.
6. Boys had cooties. I mean I don’t know what I would do now without my boyfriends to get me through the day. I mean, guys do you really want to go back to thinking Mila Kunis is icky?
I call this “J Cubed” YUM AMIRITE?
7. You had to take math. In college you get to choose your classes, but in elementary school you’re stuck with the curriculum. And there was no cheating, no “group homework sessions,” oh no, you had to do that shit yourself. And if you’re in college and still taking math, then your life sucks (reason number 1 why I have the best major).
8. You get blamed for EVERYTHING. The bathroom smells like 15 different perfumes? Your fault. The neighbor’s cat goes missing? Your fault. Someone ding-dong ditched the old lady up the street? Must’ve been you. A nosy neighbor finds matches at the park? Yup, you’re GUILTY. People LOVE to blame youths for everything. Even if you did all those things it’s not like they could prove it…
9. Getting grounded. If I had a dollar for everytime I have been grounded, I would be sailing my own private yacht around the world right now. I swear, I was born and my dad was like, “if you don’t stop crying YOU ARE GROUNDED.” Now if you want to burn some Linkin Logs or ride your bicycle across a busy street, you can with no repercussions!
10. You weren’t allowed to play The SIMs. Was I the only one who wasn’t allowed to grow little virtual families in a made-up city? Yes? Oh.
11. The awkward phase. Especially when you’re fifteen, still in braces, and you’re like “okay why am I still in this phase?” Or you’re fourteen and you just got a hair straightener and you haven’t figured out how to get the back of your hair straight. Or you’re ten and your mom is like “yeah that perm is a great idea.”
Peace, Love, and Perms,